Break ups are not easy to handle or for that matter to get over with. Mostly because for a majority of us, it would not be our fault which led to the break up. However, irrspective of what or who went wrong, getting over it is very important, especially to move on and do better things with our lives. So let us seee what can be done to get over the pain of break up?
1. Stop beating yourself up.
Most people who are going through this experience believe that there is something wrong with them for feeling the way they do. This is because there is a powerful, and false, myth circulating in our culture that you should just be able to “get over” a relationship without such massive pain and devastation.
Not true. Everyone who has lost a deeply cherished relationship goes through what you are going through. The people for whom breakups were easy simply weren’t bonded to that particular person as deeply as you were to your ex. You hurt so badly because you loved so deeply.
2. Reframe this as withdrawal.
Human beings are built to bond, and form extremely powerful attachments. There are physical systems in your brain and in your body that emotionally weld you to other people. These systems have a great deal in common with the physical systems of addiction. When your attachment bonds are broken, you go into withdrawal.
Heroin addicts, deprived of their fix, writhe sweating on their beds in physical pain, craving the only thing that will make it stop — even though they know, intellectually, it could kill them. They often literally trade their lives for the hope of a few more hours of peace in the arms of Morpheus.
Similarly, heartbroken people lay curled on their beds like shrimp, in the grips of pain that feels like being slowly impaled through their solar plexus. In their agony, they crave the temporary peace of contact with their ex, even though they know it will almost certainly only lead to more disappointment, rejection, and shame.
3. Give yourself time.
Would you expect someone going through the agony of withdrawal to function like nothing was wrong? Of course not, but somehow we don’t allow broken hearted people the time and space they need to put themselves back together again before we brightly encourage them to get out there and date, make some new friends, or enthusiastically take up a new hobby.
Recovery does not work that way. You are going through something big, and you are allowed to not be okay for a while. Embrace your sadness. Feel your pain. Acknowledge the losses. The paradox of grief is that the more bravely we allow it, and allow ourselves to not be okay for a while, the faster we heal.
4. Go cold-turkey.
Decide to be done. If it’s too hard to think about never seeing your ex again, commit to not connecting with them today. And that means not interacting with them literally, virtually, or in your mind.
This last part, “mind cleansing,” is the hardest, but the most essential to your recovery. It’s one thing to stop having contact with your ex, cut the digital cords of social media, and avoid likely run-ins. But just because you’re not with your ex physically doesn’t change their constant presence in your mind. And herein lies the issue: Every time you think about your ex, it reinforces your emotional and physical bond.
5. Don’t panic.
People can get really worried about themselves when they are wracked with pain, and feeling like they are falling apart in the aftermath of a breakup. When you can’t stop thinking about your ex even though you know you should, and you can’t “get over it” as speedily as everyone wants you to, it’s easy to get tricked into believing that there is something wrong.
There isn’t. You’re in withdrawal, and your body feels it. You’re craving something that you can no longer have. Embrace the process of recovery, give yourself time to heal, and have faith in the process. You’ll be on the other side soon.