10 unwritten rules of online dating

1. Modesty is a turn-off

Many profiles on dating websites start with statements like: “I’m no good at this kind of thing”. The writers are doing themselves no favours. If you put yourself down, you won’t sound attractively self-effacing. You’ll sound needy and insecure.

2. … and so is bragging

Confidence is sexy; arrogance is not. “I cook a mean paella and I’ll always try to make you laugh” is good, but “I have a fantastic job and no-one can understand why I’m single” is not.

3. “I love music and being with friends.” Well, obviously!

The aim of the online dating game is to catch the eye of someone you have lots in common with. You do this by being original and, above all, specific about your interests. Instead of saying that you like sunsets, mention the best sunset you’ve ever seen. State which tracks you enjoy, and your favourite place to see your friends. Specific information does more than make you sound interesting – it also gives potential dates something to write to you about.

4. Never admit that your friend wrote your profile

“I asked my friend to describe me, and here’s what he wrote…” is a cop-out. By writing this in your profile, you’re telling people that you’re not smart or self-aware enough to write it yourself. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHIRvZxgC-8

5. Zip up your baggage

Most grown-ups have a history of exes, hang-ups and maybe a nervous breakdown or two. But never admit it to a new or potential lover. They know that you have a past, but they don’t want to hear about it. Keep schtum until you know each other better.

6. Ditch the wish list

Some online dating profiles read like shopping lists. They’re looking for someone with brown eyes, short hair, between 5’10” and 6′, from west London, and so on. These lists are off-putting for two reasons. First, they make the writer sound like a control freak. Second, they sound like an exact description of the writer’s ex.

7. No photo? No chance

Don’t even think about posting a dating advert without a photo. A picture-less ad says: “I am so ugly I didn’t want to risk a photo,” “I am married,” or “I am on the run from Broadmoor.”

8. Only one photo? Hmm…

Everyone who likes your main photo will want to see more. Not because they can’t get enough of you, but because a single photo is not a reliable indicator of what you look like. Post at least two snaps.

9. Don’t lie with the camera

An overly flattering photo will backfire. The potential dates come knocking, and then what? You meet, and the blood drains from their face as they realise that your photo was taken 10 years, five stone and 500 wrinkles ago.

10. Sexy snaps will get you nowhere

Whether you’re a man or a woman, an unnatural photo with your shirt off makes you look desperate and/or only interested in love.