If your method for getting a woman to be into you, uphold a relationship with you, or sleep with you is to hurt her emotionally, you need to rethink your approach, get some new tools, and maybe take a break from dating so you can recalibrate your thinking. But also, it’s not even the best way to get a woman addicted to you. There are other things you can do to make a woman feel like you’re intoxicating like she doesn’t want to be without you, like all she wants to do is hold you, drag you, and lock the bedroom door behind you. Best of all, she’ll do all that without spending half her time wondering why you’re such a dick and wishing she could just quit you (and spoiler alert: if you’re using pickup artist tactics to keep her, she will eventually leave).

And it even works on the women who are immune to pickup artist tactics.

So, ditch the mind games and follow these tips instead. They’ll help you make her addicted to you without making you a mistake she regrets.

Treat Her Right

Okay, this is basic, but it’s the mindset you need to take with a woman if you want to improve your odds of having her fall for you.

Don’t spend your time thinking “How can I get her to fuck me?” or “How can I make her stick around?”

Instead, think more along the lines of “What can I do to make her happy?” or “How can I make her feel good right now?”

If you can make that part of your mindset, you’ve taken the most important step. It’s the groundwork to being a decent guy and if you don’t have it in place, the rest won’t matter.

Be Consistent

Everyone likes excitement and spontaneity, but that shouldn’t come at the expense of stability and security.

You don’t have to be completely predictable, but you should be reliable.

When you say you’ll do something, do it. Don’t be flakey or make false promises. No one likes a guy who talks a big talk but never follows through on it.

And that goes double for the emotional stuff. When you act hot and cold toward her, it will either make her miserable or it will cause her to lose interest in you. Either way, that’s not the outcome you want. Even if it does make her obsess over you, it won’t be because she can’t stop thinking about all of your great qualities — it’ll be because she’s frustrated that you can’t just be better.

So, don’t play games. Don’t go back and forth, acting lovey dovey one day and distant the next. And definitely don’t act warm and present when you want to flirt and fuck and then casual and distant when you’re back in daytime mode. You can be a Lothario or you can be the guy she feels lucky to be with, but you can’t be both.

Feeling like she can count on you will make her take you a lot more seriously and want you more.

Be Present with Her

When you’re first getting to know each other, or getting to know each other on a deeper level, you’re setting the tone for everything that’s going to come between you.

Whether you’re going to be passionate friends with benefits, a brief but intense fling, or future spouses, you’ll have to establish that energy early on and keep building on it.

That kind of connection takes a lot of concentrated energy. You have to be present with each other so you feel like you’re building some quick and serious intimacy.

Everything just has to click. But it can’t if you’re not completely there with her.

That’s kind of an extreme example, but the point is, when you’re with her (or talking to her), be with her. She won’t prioritize you if you don’t prioritize her.

Tease Her Playfully

Teasing is a really good way to escalate intimacy. As long as you do it gently and playfully (don’t veer into negging territory), it shows that you’ve been paying attention to her. Establishing a banter will make you both more comfortable with each other.

Teasing shows that you like her but that you’re not putting her on a pedestal. It’s treating her like an equal while making her feel understood and appreciated.

Take Initiative (Without Being Pushy)

Most of us are tired of guys who want to keep everything chill and casual. We know that’s code for making too little effort and expecting us to carry the whole relationship.

Take initiative and show her you’re not one of those guys. Start conversations with her instead of waiting for her to do it. Plan dates so she doesn’t have to be on the hook to figure out everything you’ll do. Surprise her with something sexy and fun so she can just let you sweep her off her feet and not have to worry about a thing.

Women tend to be the planners in relationships. We’re the ones who often have to handle the mental load and figure out all the little details. If you can take that load off her shoulders once in a while, it will make her feel really good about being with you.

Plus, taking initiative signals to her that she was on your mind even when you weren’t together. Thinking about where you want to take her on the next date or what sexy experiment you want to try the next time you fuck will make her feel special and show her that you really like her.

But don’t overdo it. Take some of the responsibilities off her shoulders but don’t invest too much in the outcome. If your date idea doesn’t appeal to her, don’t insist on it. Suggest alternatives. Take initiative but don’t present everything like a done deal. That just comes across as pushy.

Be Useful (Without Being a Pushover)

You’ll win points if you don’t need her to do basic things for you because you don’t know how to do them, and extra points if you can help her do things she doesn’t know how to.

When you’re with her, do some of the cooking. If you’re spending time at her place, help out with the cleaning. If she’s spending time at yours, make sure she doesn’t have to do all the cleaning for you. If you’re missing some of those basic skills, start learning them now.

And if she needs help, be the one to give it to her. Change her tire if she gets a flat. Help her troubleshoot that weird thing her laptop is doing. Help her put together the new bookshelf she ordered.

Doing all that will show that you can pull your own weight and add value. It makes you seem more independent and put together.

But be sure to know how to say no so you don’t get taken advantage of. You want to be useful, not a pushover.

Learn Her Love Language

If you want her to feel special, you should speak to her in all the five basic love languages (physical affection, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and thoughtful gift-giving). But you should figure out what love language she responds to best and really lean on that one.

My personal love language is words of affirmation. A guy could shower me in gifts and it wouldn’t matter as much as just a few sweet, reassuring words.

For her, it could be physical affection. Holding her hand and spending a lazy morning cuddling could mean more to her than making her an elaborate dinner.