1) Set your boundaries
Is texting frowned upon at work? Does it drive you batty if you’re trying to eliminate distractions while focusing on a project? Maybe you shut down screens at 8 p.m. or go tech-free on Sundays. Or you want to focus on your kids and can’t chat until they go to bed. Let your match know! “Sorry, I can’t really text during the workday. I have more free time in the evenings.”
2) Acknowledge their texts
One of the worst parts about texting is assuming the other person is ignoring you on purpose. This can be agony if you’re interpreting their non-response as an indication of their interest in you. It’s easy to forget they might be on a flight or in the middle of ordering lunch and then had to run into a meeting. Maybe they’re in a yoga class. Or their phone died. Since you know how awful this might feel, it’s a nice idea to acknowledge someone else’s texts. “Got your text. Busy in a meeting. Look forward to chatting soon.”
3) Add some sugar
Texting can feel impersonal sometimes. That’s because it is! You can’t see people’s facial expressions or body language. You can’t hear the tone of their voice. And if you’re just getting to know someone, you don’t have a history to know that they’re just really busy and that their silence has nothing to do with how much they like you. To avoid appearing curt or disinterested, it can’t hurt to add a few smiley face emojis. Also, be liberal with reassurances and “TTYL” (for “talk to you later”).
4) Save long discussions for the phone
What’s worse than receiving “What do you like to do for fun?” when you’re swamped? Being expected to answer it! Save texting for quick hellos or exchanging information, such as where to meet, or confirming plans. So before you type, “Yoga, volunteering, and long walks on the beach,” text back: “I think it would be more fun to chat in real time. You up for a phone call?”
5) Get back to people when you say you will
If you say “Chat soon,” it’s really nice to follow up with “What a crazy day! Hope you had a good one.”
Ultimately, as you get to know someone, you’ll find your texting groove. But until you’re a couple, pay attention to how someone reacts to your texting style. If you’re constantly being accused of neglecting them via text, you’ll likely be accused of neglecting them in real life, too. If your match can’t chill out, that’s a sign to drop out of the conversation.
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