The last thing you want is to become emotionally dependent and obsessed with the idea of your feelings being reciprocated. But don’t freak out, it’s good that you recognize that maybe your feelings aren’t genuine love.
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#1 It can last for years. I’m not joking. Limerence can literally last for years. Now that I think of it, I probably suffered from limerence in high school. I liked this one guy for six years, literally. It took a long time for those feelings to pass. It didn’t help that the guy was sending me mixed signals as well. If anything, it prolonged the process.
#2 Limerence doesn’t have long-term potential. When you love someone, it’s based on making each other happy by spending time together and sharing each other’s interests, hobbies, and talents. But with limerence, there is no genuine love. Limerence is only about gaining someone or something’s affection. It doesn’t matter whether that person actually likes you or not.
#3 You fantasize about them. Whether you’re in a relationship with this person or not, you spend your time fantasizing about them. You think about the future with them, how it’ll look like, how intense your relationship will be. And, of course, all this fantasizing is distracting you from your everyday life.
#4 Limerence is more than a crush. And it’s more than infatuation. With limerence, it’s more intense. See, with a crush or infatuation, they’re intense but short-term. However, the signs of limerence can last a long time, and the emotions are more dramatic with extreme highs and lows.
#5 You see them in everything. Whether you’re at work or walking down the street, everything you see reminds you of them. There’s nothing you don’t see that doesn’t remind you of them. And although this may sound romantic, even the strongest of couples don’t see their partners in everything.
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#6 The relationship isn’t deep. You two could just be starting to date or don’t have any sort of relationship. Your relationship is quite shallow, at least for now. The thing is you’re already five steps ahead planning the wedding and what your children will look like. But you don’t even know this person. See the problem?
#7 It’s not based on love. See, this is what people get mixed up with. Limerence isn’t based on love; that would be lust. Limerence is more based on getting attention from the object or person you have feelings for, rather than needing to fulfill a sexual desire. So, if you have limerence, it’s not about the love.
#8 You overanalyze everything. Okay, okay, I personally think everyone is guilty of overanalyzing the words and actions of someone we like. So, just because you overanalyze, doesn’t mean it’s limerence. But overanalyzing is one of the signs. If you’re analyzing every breath they take, every word they say, and connecting it to you, then it’s becoming a little obsessive.
#9 You believe they’re your soulmate. Whether you have had a soulmate before or not, you believe that they are the one. Your reasoning is that they feel this intense connection, almost as if you’re being pulled into them. The thing is, you barely know this person.
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#10 You manipulate situations to be with them. You figure out where they’re working and “accidentally” show up to their work. You manipulate people around you to get closer to them. If you find yourself orchestrating events in hopes of getting closer to them, this is a very common sign of limerence.
#11 You experience physical symptoms. But actually! This isn’t made up! When you’re around this person or thinking of them; you feel physical symptoms like dizziness, and excessive sweating. You even stutter because of nerves. And though you may not realize it, these symptoms are directly correlated to the person you’re obsessed about.
#12 You feel that you can’t live without them. Maybe this is how you felt when you broke up with your first partner. You thought to yourself, “how can I live without them? I’ll never find love again.” But, with time, you will find love and move on. With limerence, you feel overwhelming anxiety and an unbearable need for their attention and affection.
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